November Rose

 I love Roses.  The smell, the soft velvety texture of its petals, and they're thorns.  Yes, I love their thorns.  Something that is surrounded by nasty sharpness adds in my opinion an intriguing mystical quality about them.  My favorite of all the colors found in roses come in is pink.  Those who have seen my rose tattoo can assume my love for the flower is the reason I had it done.  But that's not entirely the whole reason behind it.

                                                 

         It will be five years today that my niece Caroline died.  Caroline Rose Hummel that is.  She died of SIDS at only 2 months old.  Now to be completely honest, I had a hard time processing this death at the time of occurrence. 13 days prior I was having the time of my life with friends, and I was loving the confidence I found working at Victoria's Secret.  Too be honest,  I wasn't crazy about the fact my niece was born...but I also wasn't crazy about babies in general either at that time....my priorities in life were so off kilter.  

   

       When the funeral came around, I too my surprised shed a tear.  I felt guilty.  I quickly grabbed my (at the time) 1yr old nephew Elijah to keep me occupied.  The reason I felt guilty was because there was family that invested so much into this little girl than I did, and thus deserved way more love and uplifting than my selfish nature did.   

                     

      

   

      It's crazy how time flies you know?!? As I sit here typing this, my heart feels conflicted yet again, but for a different reason.  On one hand I am hurt that I would never get to include Caroline on the adventures I go on with Eli, and how much I'm head over heals loving being an aunt. Also being sincerely being scared for everyone who has a baby that they don't ever have to go through that. Yet on the other, I'm thankful she isn't around to witness some broken moments that have occurred within my family that are still being handled today.

     

   She is just like a rose In my mind. the thorns not only represent that pain of loss, but also the fact of the struggle of carrying on with life while having to deal with loss.  THAT is a struggle that very rarely ever ends for people, despite how many years have gone by. As for the flower itself, Caroline is protected by death.  Unlike those who are still living, we all have tainted souls.  Even her 6 year old brother (who can be kind of a punk) doesn't have a perfect soul.  But she will ALWAYS remain beautiful, innocent, pure, and lovely.  

   

    Though her early departure from this word hurts; however, because she was so young I know whole heartedly that she is in heaven.  That thought may not take all the hurt away, but it does ease some of it.

                                     

                                                           Uh-Oh loves you Caroline

A Mighty Movement

          I read this article last night about a trending hash tag called #MedicatedAndMighty .  While scanning it over, I was reminded about something I have tried to ignore....until now

              I wish I had a dollar every time someone made a comment about how God can take away the need for using medication for mental health reasons. I would Finally be able to buy a decent car with that money; however, that's not the case. Thus presents two sad outcomes:

1. Since no dollars are given to me per comment, I will just have to continue the long frustrating task of saving for what will probably be a billion years for personal transportation. (my credit score is terrible so a car loan ain't happening)

2.Comments like that are discouraging to Christians who are/considering the use of medication for mental health reasons.

       Is it just me or has anyone else noticed when it comes to discussion of ailments that can cause distress to the human body, mental health isn't mentioned? Though if it is lightly touched on in either biology or gym/ health classes.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but I vaguely remember learning that the brain is a part of the human body. Just like any part of the body, the brain can have an array of problems occur to/in it.
        I get the brain is the most complex and mysterious part in the human body, but should people with mental disorders be treated differently, especially when it comes to those involved in the Christian faith??

         Imagine going up to someone who has let's say for example a chronic lung disorder, and telling them "Hey, you know God can totally heal you of your condition, you don't need to be using those pills, inhalers, nebulizer treatments!". Um yeah. I'm pretty sure if those people listened to comments like those, eventually they would suffer greatly struggling to breath! So why tell someone with Bipolar, OCD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD, ADD, Skitzophrenia, etc. medication isn't necessary if you have God??  Those who take medication for mental health reasons should be treated just like anyone else who takes medication for issues involving other parts of the body.  
　
         Now before anyone goes off the handle saying I'm wrong to think God can't heal people from mental health afflictions....chill!   I promise you, with every once of my being I KNOW God can take away any health problems! I am also not saying people who take medication should avoid asking God to take away the need to use medication.

        What I am saying is to stop making comments like that to people. It's hurtful, discouraging, and can make people feel like they are terrible Christians for using them.

    My passion for this particular topic stems from my personal struggling being a Christian with mental health disorders. I struggle with depression, OCD, and ADHD. I listened to those comments and would take myself off whatever prescriptions I was given. I felt like those people were just encouraging me to be a better believer in Christ. Instead, I ended up feeling miserable, doing horrible in college, driving friends away from being so insanely clingy, and worst of all feeling like I could never be used by God because I just felt so broken, pathetic, and a fraud if I felt moved by a song during church because "it was the medication doing that". Which was totally false!  When I did get back on my medication, I felt "normal" (for a lack of better words)!  My hedonic treadmill was up and running, and I've never felt closer to God because of the gift of medications!

Why would anyone who feels sad and broken care that there lungs allow them to breath effortlessly?.

Why would anyone who feels hopeless care if they can move their body without being in pain?

Why would anyone who feels panicked care if they can eat whatever they like without getting sick?

      Didn't the Apostle Paul say in 1 Corinthians 12:26 "if one part suffers, every part suffers with it"??? He did, cause I literally just referenced him saying that.

 Which leads me to my final remarks...

~For the love of God! Stop making comments against Christians using medication for mental health treatment.

~Feel free to pray for those who have mental health disorders, but unless they asked, don't tell them you did.

~Those like me who do suffer from a mental disorder, remember that God can take them away; however, that doesn't mean that if you use medication then you're a Christian fraud.
　
The God TOTALLY uses people who take medication of any kind! Why would He select only those who don't to be used? He doesn't I promise!
　
　This is all being said....

I'm #MedicatedAndMighty